Ever ponder what difference you are making in society? Ever wonder if you have contributed enough to others to feel fulfillment? This Thanksgiving I was faced with an enormous challenge. Thanksgiving is to be the time of gratitude, of family, praise and abundance of food to gorge while we chat about our lives and find the significance we can sometimes lose sight of. This Thanksgivings challenge was to face my two run-away daughters. I say this in bitterness, because they didn’t really run-away, they manipulated my wife and mine’s rules and discpline to supposedly go live with their biological father. A father that has done nothing for them but fill their minds up with fantasy stories and taught them that following the rules should never apply to anyone.
It is so painful to watch one’s step-daughters (ages 14-16) completely drop out of High School, have no respect for their Mother that sacrificed everything for their health and lively hood, run away from their Mother to a man who has consistently lied, manipulated, and neglected them. To live a life of no rules, no responsibility, only to be addicted to others drama, problems and live a life of ignorance, what could they possibly learn from that? I am so shocked that they embrace him so.
For deeper understanding, their father would promise to pick them up when they were younger on Friday nights and take them to the mall and out to dinner, the only problem was he never showed up, if and when he did, it would be hours later and amazingly he had the most tall-tell story to tell why. We would receive calls at midnight or later on school nights from their Father wanting to talk with his children, as if he had no regard to sleep or that they had school the next day. There were a few occasions that he would drop them off at the mall with hundreds of dollars and promise to pick them up later, only to abandon them there! - Yet they love their Dad. They would rather be with him. For the last two months, they decided not to live with their Mother and Step-Father. So that they could officially avoid the responsibility of not going to school. Their Mother and I have heard that they occassionally live with their father who lives from hotel to hotel, but actually they bounce from Aunt to Uncle to friends homes to find shelter. They live life by no rules, no responsibility and decided that their intelligence was socially the only education they need, so they didn’t need school. ( as adults we understand the challenges that one particular choice will have in their lives). Recent rumors state that in the first time in over 7 years their father bought and moved into a condo - The girls decided to pick up their belongings and some of our housewares to support their needs without asking.
These choices remind me of Daedalus and his challenges as a Father. Although a profound creator, inventor, skillman, craftsman, architect - Daedalus had many emotional challenges and fears to face, challenges in competition, drama of a murder and even watched one of his two children die by not listening to his warning. I can just hear him now, “be careful son, not to get to close to the sun the wax will melt...” - I wonder, while flying with his son, when he noticed his son pushing forward and higher with the exhuberation, did it ever cross this intellectual mind “That son of a Bit**! I told him not to go higher!”, If only children would listen to to the wisdom of their older lost children (parents). I ponder if Daedalus life was shortened by the grief that it was his intellect that created the apparatus that would be the demise of his own sons life?
Or did he have the courage to face the truth that it was his son’s blind ambition and naivity that ended his life?
Daedalus was once a wise man whom faced many intellectual and emotional challenges, similar to all the step-fathers whom struggle watching their adopted children struggle with acceptance, love and that other adult in the house. I find it fascinating that the men whom have placed themselves to be the Step-Daedalus in the family will need to embrace pain, hardship, challenges on every emotional front and they may have to face bigger challenges of loss. Loss of a child, loss of happiness, loss of sanity, loss of invested time. It doesn’t sound too great does it? Then again many people know of the story of Icarus, but have they paid attention to the man behind Icarus that built him the wings to fly? Have they invested time to discuss about a man whom many have been the precursor to Leonardo Di Vinci? - Its amazing how the death of Icarus, and the tradegy of the story is more popular because of the lack of understanding of child not listening to his parent. Ever wonder if you are contributing to society as a step-parent? We may have to take a look not at the child we are making strives for, but the parent of the child, and the added value (longevity) less stress created, in their lives.
And too the parents that neglect their children, lie to them, manipulate them, abuse them, yell or try to buy their love, your time is ticking, and soon your games will be over, and thank you, for making mediorce people look like saints. Thank you for challenging the good-natured people in the world. Thank you for testing, challenging and educating others on what not to do. Your negative actions will propel salvation, faith and love to be tested and fortified within the believers of society. Thank you for teaching your children how to be independent and resourceful, but most imporatantly how to be forgiven. Now the only challenges the children will face is their own guilt, shame and choices...
*Photography of Icarus by Gene Hoffman, taken by M.D. Friedman.
